What It Means to Be Alone.

One of my friends wrote a status on Facebook that really caught my attention and sent my brain into the depths of thought on relationships, or being with someone.

"Being alone is the only way to be, I can sleep crossways in the bed, I travel more usefully; I have time to restore and collect myself, I have peace...I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude, don't think I ever will"

I used to always think I would always want to share my life with somebody. I always had this image of the ultimate relationship with another chick; she'd be this free spirited, open minded traveling adventurous type, and we would just go everywhere and do anything and everything together. Marriage in the mix too. She'd be my lover, my best friend AND my biggest challenge, but at the same time know how to be her own person. All this and more would be the greatest thing I could ever achieve in having someone, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I would be just fine alone. I wouldn't prefer it, but I wouldn't be anything less than content. If I could break my whole being down into groups or categories, it'd be:

/how I am alone

/how I am with friends

/how I am with my girl

Me alone is slightly more appealing than anything else. I can love people and things without being selfish, go where I want/do what I want how I want any way I want to, without having to share certain things. Now, don't think that I'm saying would be a harder or worse of an idea to be with someone; no, I'm just saying how fine I would be alone. I don't think it's anywhere as necessary as I used to a couple years ago. Sure, I would be the happiest man alive to have somebody like what I described before by my side; but if for some reason I just can't have that, it's not the end of the world. The world looks different depending on the way you live in it; it'd be interesting either way. I might die be alone, but I'd never die lonely.

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this is pretty much what my weekend is looking like.

..Get Me Where I Need to Go.

Progress.

I started school today, finally =D. All this time of doing nothing [well, not entirely nothing lol] and going nowhere, I finally feel like i'm getting something done. Just 3 online classes and math at the school on Fridays; not bad at all =] now comes the test of balance, endurance, and the biggest enemy of all; procrastination. Nah, I got this. Destined for greatness, didn't you know?

Side note I may be shooting my first wedding soon =] [well, first wedding where I'm actually the designated photographer]

Dark Days.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a predominantly dark person with brighter days, versus being a happy person with darker days. I'm completely content with it though. It's my character; I wouldn't be the Terence you knew today if it were any different, so I really hate when people try to cheer me up or be peppy around me when it isn't needed at all. Of course, there are times where I'm in a downed mood, and a movement to cheer me up isn't futile lol like if I'm just having a bad day, or lost something or someone. But as far as my default mood or mindset; unmoved. I don't consider this to be a bad thing because I get the most out of it. Everything is chill and I'm reflective, on everything and everyone. Yeah, sometimes I slip too far into myself and hit something of a great depression but eh, happens to the best of us. Regardless of how my mood is, my bad days are almost always good days, and my good days are great days. I have to really be going through it to have a bad day for no reason.

One Way Ride.

From exactly this moment on to the rest, I have a destination, and a road to this destination. I will stay on this road, no matter what happens. Know this. And please do keep in mind, things happen. Alllllll sorts of things happen on this road. There are cracks and fractures. There are signs. There will be curves and turns-- maybe even u turns. There is traffic. There are hitch-hikers. There is roadkill. Cracks, because no road is perfect. Fractures, because a road can only take so much. Signs, to tell me how to get to where I'm going; different signs, different ways to get there, different stops along the way. Curves, because I won't always be able to see straight ahead; some things will come up unexpected. U-turns, because I am changing. I may even make complete turnarounds in some ways; more than I already have. Hitch-hikers, there are people who join the journey; some for much longer than others. Roadkill, because there will be mistakes made along the drive; mistakes that can't be fixed. Also because there will be people who get hurt in this journey; some people you can help and make things better with; this is not those people. Sometime you have to grieve, let go, and go on. The road is long. I just hope I won't be riding solo by the time I reach my destination..

Where Did My Baby Go?

Inspiration. She has left me cold dry and alone for longer than I'd like =( and I know exactly what the problem is; my thought process.

When I AM inspired and I get ideas, they all come in AT ONCE. And by the time I can sift through the clutter, i've managed to pull out 2 or 3 out of the 6 I had. I forget all the others =( this has to stop somehow..I think I need to spend more time with my camera. I've been neglecting her a little lately and there's no doubt I don't have the drive for photography like I did when I first started. I used to be allll over the books & websites just filling the empty spaces with knowledge on the whole subject..but it's ok, I can feel it picking back up little by little. I just need to learn how to sort out my ideas as they come instead of letting it all build up.

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Witness the madness vv

My brain, filled with ideas. Yeah no exaggeration here.

A couple ideas are pulled from the chaos

Now look back at the first picture. So much potential seen in the clutter, with such little results.

Maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be? Maybe I'm just asking too much of myself.

Eh.

Either way, I'm striving to better myself and get more out of myself and stop saying myself so much in one paragraph. Just takes a little dedication. Yes I made those pictures in photoshop^. Crap I know, but it got the message across. Lol

Winter.

I can't wait for the winter time. It brings out the best in me in ways other people would usually identify as the worst in a person.

Some people see the winter in a person as cold, dry, dead; things like that. At the same time though, there are people that see it as a time of warmth, or getting together and being close to the people you love; Everyone has their own take on it. I love it for multiple reasons; it inspires me. I've had some of my best and worst memories made in the winter time; First love, first time, it's when I got my first camera, right when I dove into the world of photography; it will always remind me to be at my best and learn to do new things, or to improve in the ways needed.

My art in the winter is 10x its normal output. I'm not even completely sure why lol. I love black & white photography above all, and I always associate the winter time with black & white. Everything is just so beautiful..the trees, the dead grass, the cold; snow if we have it. It just says so much to you if you look at it long enough, and what a better way to study & indulge yourself in the moment than taking a picture of it? Winter just makes me contemplate everything; it's just a super chill time (no pun intended) and i'm a naturally chill dude, so everything just works.

These are some of my favorite pictures taken December-Feb. last year:

And toe. toe takes me there no matter what season it is. What is toe you ask? [ educate yourself. ]